


With friends like these

by Kaworu



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alcohol, Crack, Humour, M/M, Youkai Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 12:45:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaworu/pseuds/Kaworu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The prompt says it all really: "accidental marriage - With friends like these, who needs enemies?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	With friends like these

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Springkink and beta'ed by harumi and littlebutfierce

"Sensei!" Natsume practically tumbled off the small hill, leaves and twigs stuck in hair that was sticking in all directions, panting. "There you are! Where have you been for the last three days? Touko'san and me have been worried!"

Madara narrowed his eyes, trying to focus his vision on the teen. "Ah, Natsume," the cat said with a slight slur. The red on his cheeks was clearly visible even through the fur, and the round body wobbled, struggling to remain in a sitting position. "No one ate you yet? Good, good. I'll be back in a day or two... or three." He hiccupped.

Natsume groaned and made his way to his obviously drunk guardian, careful not to step on other youkai sprawled all over the forest clearing in various states of inebriation. A small masked one attached himself to Natsume's leg, rubbing his face against Natsume's shoe. Not a moment after Natsume removed the youkai, Madara came tumbling towards them, hissing, and knocking Natsume off his feet as he crash-landed against him.

"Don't touch my food!" It was probably intended as a threatening growl, but what came out was a drunken whine.

"Come on, Sensei, we're going home." Natsume tried to pick up the cat, but was stopped by a surprisingly strong, if unsteady, hand on his shoulder.

"Where do you think you're taking him?" was a low slur in his ear, and Natsume jumped, whirling around. A moment later he heard a thump and was faced with Urihime sitting on the ground, one hand still outstretched. Apparently the youkai had been steadying herself on Natsume's shoulder. "You little..."

"Hey! He's mine!" Madara struggled in Natsume's arms, trying to get to Urihime with his claws and scratching Natsume in the process.

"Sensei!" Natsume yelped, clutching his abused arm and dropping Madara in the process.

The cat landed on the ground inelegantly, rolling a couple paces before standing up on unsteady feet. The grass and dirt in his fur made him look ridiculous, and Natsume couldn't suppress a snort.

"We'll settle it in a drinking duel!" Madara declared, glaring at Urihime, which actually made him look myopic instead of the fierce look it was probably supposed to be.

"Sensei, don't you think you've had enough?" Natsume tried to pacify his self-appointed guardian, but Madara didn't even blink in his direction as he made his way, in an intricate zigzag, to the spot where Urihime was still sitting.

"We need more sake!" Urihime bellowed, holding up an empty cup, but all that landed into it was a paper doll.

"What the..." Urihime peered at it, taking the small figure by the head between her fingers.

"That should be my line," a not-too-happy voice sounded from the hill, and Natsume turned to see Natori, frowning, arms folded on his chest. Hiiragi stood meekly at his side, and behind her was Sasago, mirroring her master's pose.

Urihime looked up at them, deep thought process wrinkling the visible part of her face. "Join us, Master?" she finally managed with a crooked smile.

Natori opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say (or yell, more like) was drowned out by Madara's howl of "sake!"

Half a dozen of small youkai ran about the clearing, stumbling over each other, until one of them, looking suspiciously like a flea, kneeled in front of Madara. "W-we don't have anymore," he stuttered.

"What!?" Madara's nostrils flared, and he loomed over the small creature. "I'll eat you if you don't get it! Who has sake!?" he yelled to the clearing in general.

"Shut up, cat!" Urihime snapped at him, a vein popping on her forehead. "Get it yourself, or ask the newlyweds!" She threw her cup which landed square between Madara's eyes.

"Why you..." Madara wrinkled his nose, getting ready to leap, before he was grabbed by the scruff of his neck, and a moment later he was looking into Natori's eyes.

"Would somebody care to explain what the hell is going on?" Natori asked in an eerily calm tone, his glasses glinting.

"Put me down, boy!" Madara swung his paws in the air, trying to get at Natori's face, but the human easily avoided the sloppy movements. "And don't crash others' weddings!"

"Yes, Master, it's not polite!" Urihime added from her spot just outside of Natori's reach.

"Wedding?" Both Natori and Natsume looked at Madara, then at Urihime, then at Madara again.

"Sensei, you..."

"Not us, idiot!" Madara shrieked. "Who'd want to marry this violent, rude--" he started, but was cut off by Urihime's indignant "Who'd want to marry this fat, dumb cat!?"

The two youkai glared at each other.

"Then who is...?" Natsume looked curiously around, trying to identify the happy couple.

"Who cares?" Natori said with a sigh. "Take this drunkard home." He handed Madara to Natsume. "And I'll take care of that one." His glasses glinted again when he looked at Urihime, and this time the youkai shrank under the glare.

"Wait, wait!" The flea youkai jumped onto Natsume's shoulder, his tiny arms flailing as he struggled to keep balance before Natsume supported him with a finger. "Thank you, Natsume-sama." He heaved a sigh of relief. "As I was saying, wouldn't Natsume-sama like to meet the newlyweds?"

"Yes, yes! And drink to their happiness!" Madara didn't hesitate to add. "To the newlyweds!"

"To the newlyweds!" the other youkai chorused, before...

"...where are the newlyweds?"

"I saw them yesterday, I think," one of the youkai said, scratching the back of his head.

"Yes, before the good sake was finished," said another.

"Then we don't have the newlyweds anymore..." A group of youkai sighed mournfully in unison.

"What are we going to drink to?"

"What to do, what to do?"

"Argh, shut up!" Urihime didn't look happy at the development, but a moment later her face lit up in a creepy leer. "We just have to marry someone else."

"You have a good idea for once!" Madara cheered, looking even more pleased after Urihime's shriek of, "What's with 'for once'?!".

"So, who do we marry?"

"Who do we marry, who do we marry? Hmm..." All in the clearing looked thoughtful. Some youkai were rubbing their chins, others, the backs of their heads, but all of the inebriated crowd looked comically deep in thought.

"Ah!" Madara grinned, looking at Natsume, then at Natori. "We marry the humans!"

Natsume didn't have time to protest before numerous pairs of hands: some were as small as an insect, while others were half the size of his body, grabbed him and Natori and dragged the pair to the centre of the clearing.

"Now, face this way." Madara poked Natsume in his side, nodding towards an improvised altar made of rocks.

Both humans were too stunned to say anything at the moment, watching, appalled, as Hinoe emerged from the crowd, her step only slightly wobbly.

"I'll do the honours," she said, stifling a hiccup. "So. We've gathered here today--"

"Wait, wait!" Madara yelled, getting a glare from Hinoe.

"What?" she asked, taking an irritated drag from her pipe.

"Someone, go to his side!" He pointed a paw at Natori who had, aside from the youkai holding him in place, only Hiiragi, Sasago, and Urihime at his side. The latter had a suspicious wet streak on the cloth covering her eyes. "You two!" Madara continued, baring his teeth at the one eyed youkai and his bull faced companion.

"We don't want to!" they wailed in unison, clinging to Natsume's arm.

Madara moved towards them in a supposedly threatening wobble.

"Alright, alright, I'll go." Chobihige stood up, floating to settle on Natori's side of the clearing.

"So? All set?" Hinoe gave the crowd a stern look. "Now then. We've all gathered here, blah-blah-blah, you know the drill... now, drink up!" She produced a bottle of sake from her sleeve along with three cups.

"Hey! You've been stashing it!" Madara again, jumping angrily and puffing his cheeks in indignation.

"Yes, yes, shut up already," Hinoe said in a dismissive tone. "Who would...?" She searched the crowd for a few moments, then sighed, grumbling that she had to do everything herself, hadn't she? and moved around the pile of rocks, the bottle and cups in her hands. "Hold them still," she instructed, pouring sake into the smallest cup.

"Wait, what are you--" Natsume tried to protest, but before he could say anything else, sake was unceremoniously poured into his mouth, making the boy cough.

"That's enough!" Natori finally found his voice, and he didn't sound happy. "If you don't release us this instant, I swear, I'll exorcise you all!" He struggled against the unsteady hands, and several smaller youkai flew in all directions. "If you don't--" Natori growled, but the rest was drowned by someone's "Everyone! Run!"

The resulting stampede looked more disastrous than any exorcism. The clearing was littered by smaller youkai, twitching or completely unconscious, and Natori himself had a couple of footprints on his back, sprawled over Natsume.

"Are you alright?" Natori asked, and Natsume gave him a small nod, not really trusting his own voice at the moment.

"You two, it's not even your wedding night yet," Madara grumbled from somewhere to Natori's left, and the humans looked at each other, blinking for a few seconds, before Natsume turned bright red.

"Sensei!" Natsume said in a horrified tone. "You don't mean that we really...."

Natori flinched above him, and the next moment he was scrambling up, his usual smile plastered to his face.

"Of course not, Natsume-kun," he said, and if there was the smallest hint of a strain in his voice, no one would hear it besides himself.

"Ah, Natsume! You reek!" It was Madara, already in Natsume's arms, sniffing at the boy's face.

"No more than you, Sensei," Natsume returned, frowning, and it was apparent that only part of it was about the cat.

"Why don't you come to my place?" Natory offered. "That way your guardians won't worry so much, and there'll be someone to take care of the cat."

Natsume thought about it for a minute. He didn't want to intrude, but he also didn't want Touko-san to smell alcohol on him and worry more than she should. He hadn't done it on purpose, but there was no way for him to explain it without sounding strange.... His train of thought was interrupted by a wave of alcohol stench. At first he thought that Sensei had belched, but then there was a hand on his shoulder, and a second later Urihime's face was right in front of his.

"Come with us, kid," she said before turning green and doubling over at his feet. The gurgling sounds that followed were unmistakable.

"You're a disgrace." Sasago lowered at her side, stroking Urihime's back despite the harsh words. "Just wait until we get back, Master will make sure you won't drink ever again."

Natsume looked at Natori again. The older man was frowning, arms folded on his chest. It wasn't that Urihime didn't deserve his wrath, but Natsume still felt sorry for her.

"Alright. I'm sorry to intrude," he said with a small smile.

~*~*~

After a call home and a shower Natsume felt human again. The borrowed clothes hung loosely on him, so he took a moment to adjust them before entering the room.

"Where's Sensei?" he asked, looking around. The cat had fallen asleep on their way to the hotel, snoring loudly in Natsume's arms, and as soon as they were inside, Hiiragi carried him away while Sasago dragged Urihime by the scruff of her neck.

"Resting, I think," Natori answered. He was half-lying on a couch, a book in his hands. "How are you feeling?" He set the book aside, turning to Natsume.

Natsume considered the question. He didn't feel anything out of the ordinary. He was tired, but that was probably because of running the whole day searching for Sensei, and lack of sleep because he was too worried for the cat.

"I'm fine," he said, smiling. "Still, I can't believe they'd think of something like that." He shook his head. "Why would they want to marry us?"

Natori's answering smile looked strained. He sat up, looking at Natsume.

"Why, indeed," he muttered before continuing in his normal voice. "Do you find it disgusting to marry two men?"

"No, that's not it." Natsume frowned. There was something off about Natori's response. Wasn't he supposed to take it as a joke? But the older man looked weird, worried or maybe sad. Natsume didn't get what was wrong. "Natori-san?" he asked.

Natori stood up with a sigh.

"I didn't want to say anything until you're older, but..." He took a few steps, stopping when he was practically nose to nose with Natsume. "What would you do if I was really interested in you?" He searched Natsume's face, his own expression tense.

Almost a minute passed in silence. Natori waited while Natsume was furiously thinking about this sudden development.

"So that's how it is," Natori said finally. "I'm sorry, Natsume-kun, please forget what I've just said." He turned away, making a step back to the couch.

"Please, wait." Natsume didn't even know himself what he was going to say. He just knew that if he didn't say anything, Natori would simply... go away. And he didn't want to lose another person in his life, not this one and not like that. "Please, wait, Natori-san," he repeated. "I-I don't know how to feel about it, but I... wouldn't be against it. I think." He looked at his feet.

Natori turned back slowly. He didn't want to hope for too much, but seeing Natsume's flushed face, he couldn't help a smile.

"Then wouldn't you like to make sure?" he asked.

Natsume raised his eyes, gulping as he looked at Natori for a few moments, then gave a small nod.

That was all the invitation Natori needed. He moved to stand in front of Natsume, as close as he'd been a minute ago, and put a hand on Natsume's arm. Leaning forward, he waited until Natsume looked up, still uncertain. And then a few more before touching his lips to Natsume's.

~*~*~

It was the dead of night when two figures made their way to the hotel, making rushes from bush to bush.

"Do you think they're here?" whispered the one-eyed youkai.

"They're here, they're here!" answered his bull-faced companion, nodding enthusiastically. "I can smell Natsume-sama." He sniffed the air to illustrate his point.

The pair sneaked behind the building and crawled to a door, sliding it open a crack to peer inside. The scene that greeted them was hard to confuse with anything. The moans and mutters were clearly heard even from their location, and there were two shadows moving on the bed. The smaller one arched his back, rising from the bed, and the bigger shadow's arms wrapped around him, bringing him closer.

"Ah, the married life..." whispered the one-eyed youkai wistfully, his cheeks turning pink.

His companion nodded in agreement.

"I want to get married, too," he said.

"Me too, me too!" his bull-faced friend agreed.

The two looked at each other.

"No, no way," the one-eyed youkai muttered, turning away.

"No way," the bull-faced one agreed, cringing. "So, leave them be?"

The one-eyed one sighed before sliding the door closed. "Let's go," he said.

~*~*~

Natsume woke up slowly. At first he was too warm and content to move, but when something touched his nose, he opened his eyes.

"Good morning." Natori was smiling at him, his cheek resting on a palm and his elbow propped on a pillow.

"Morning." Natsume's face turned pink as he remembered what had happened a few hours ago. "Erm..."

"I hope you're not regretting it?" The change in Natori's expression was slight, no more than a bit of tension in the corners of his eyes.

"No, I..." Natsume stopped, thinking. "I'm just surprised," he said. "More than surprised actually, but... I guess, we'll have to thank our friends later." He smiled.

"I guess, we will," Natori agreed.


End file.
